I Love My Baby… But I Miss Me — Finding Yourself Again After Birth

Let’s just rip the Band-Aid off: becoming a mum can be a total identity earthquake. One minute you're an independent, sleep-in-on-Sundays kinda gal, and the next you're knee-deep in nappies, leaking through your nursing bra, and Googling "why does my baby grunt at night?" at 3am.

You love your baby. That goes without saying. But maybe, just maybe, you also really miss the old you.

You know, the one who could finish a hot cuppa. The one who knew what day it was. The one who didn’t burst into tears because she dropped toast jam-side down.

You’re not alone, mama.

In this blog, we’re diving into why it’s totally normal to feel a bit lost after having a baby, and how you can gently, realistically, and lovingly find your way back to yourself — even if that version of you looks a little different than before.

Why Do So Many Mums Feel This Way?

Because you’ve just been through a huge life shift — physically, mentally, emotionally, socially. You’ve created life, and now you’re responsible for keeping that tiny human alive. No biggie, right?

The mental load is real. The sleep deprivation is brutal. The pressure to “bounce back” (whatever that even means) is everywhere. And on top of that, there’s this quiet grief that sneaks in — mourning the life you had before, even when you’re thrilled with the one you have now.

This is totally normal. In fact, it’s more common than most mums talk about.

Step 1: Give Yourself Permission to Grieve the Old You

It sounds dramatic, but it's true: part of becoming a mum is letting go of who you were before. That doesn’t mean she’s gone forever — but life has changed. It’s okay to feel sad, even if you’re totally smitten with your little one.

Let yourself cry. Talk to your partner or a friend. Write it down. Whatever your outlet is, use it.

You don’t need to pretend you're okay just because "you should be grateful." Love and grief can live in the same heart.

Step 2: Reclaim Tiny Moments of You-ness

We’re not talking spa days or solo weekends away here (though wouldn’t that be nice). We mean teeny, manageable slices of time where you get to feel like YOU again.

• Blast your favourite music while folding laundry

• Paint your nails during nap time

• Eat the good chocolate after baby goes down

• Journal, meditate, scroll memes — whatever fills your cup, even a little

These small things matter. You matter.

It’s not about finding hours of free time (lol, what’s that?). It’s about creating tiny rituals that reconnect you with yourself.

Step 3: Redefine What "You" Means Now

You’re not who you were before, but that’s not a bad thing. You’re growing, just like your baby is. Maybe you’ve discovered a fierce protective instinct you never knew existed. Or patience. Or strength. Or the ability to function on 3 hours of broken sleep and still love someone with your whole soul.

Try asking yourself:

• What parts of me do I want to keep?

• What parts have changed (and how do I feel about that)?

• What new things would I like to explore?

Redefining your identity doesn’t mean starting from scratch. It means evolving. Becoming. Owning this next chapter.

Step 4: Ask for Help (Seriously, Do It)

You don’t have to do this alone. If you’re feeling lost, anxious, or overwhelmed, speak up. Chat to your GP or midwife. Message that friend who always "gets it." Look into local mum groups or online communities. There are also amazing postpartum counsellors and coaches who specialise in this stuff.

Sometimes just saying it out loud — "I’m struggling" — can be incredibly freeing.

You were never meant to raise a baby in isolation — and you deserve support, too.

Step 5: Make Room for Something That’s Just for You

This one’s a game-changer. Whether it’s starting a creative project, learning something new, exercising (if and when you’re ready), or even going for a walk alone with your headphones in — find one thing that isn’t about being a mum.

It doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be yours.

This little pocket of purpose outside motherhood is where so many mums rediscover their spark.

Step 6: Remember: This is a Season

It might feel never-ending, but this phase? It’s just that — a phase. Your baby will sleep longer (eventually). You will find your rhythm. And one day, you’ll catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and think, “Oh hey, there she is.”

Different, sure.

But also wiser. Softer. Stronger. And still so beautifully you.

Final Thoughts

Motherhood changes everything — but it doesn’t have to mean losing yourself completely. It just means re-meeting yourself, slowly and gently, in the quiet (and not-so-quiet) spaces in between feeds, naps, and endless laundry.

You deserve to feel whole. And you’re allowed to miss yourself while loving your baby fiercely.

You’ve got this.