Fed is Best: Why Your Worth as a Mum Isn’t Measured in Millilitres

If there’s one thing that can make a brand-new mum feel like she’s sitting an exam she didn’t study for, it’s feeding. Everyone has an opinion — the midwife, your mother-in-law, random women in the supermarket who “just thought you should know…” — and somehow it all adds up to this invisible pressure that how you feed your baby is the ultimate mark of your mum skills. Spoiler: it’s not.

Breast vs Bottle 

We’ve all heard it: “Breast is best.” And yes, breastmilk is pretty magical stuff — tailor-made nutrients, antibodies, and it adapts to your baby’s needs. It’s convenient (once you and bub get the hang of it), always the right temperature, and free.

But let’s be real: breastfeeding isn’t always straightforward. Some mums struggle with low supply, pain, infections, or just sheer exhaustion from being the only one who can do the feeds.

On the flip side, formula is a safe, regulated, and nutritious option. It allows partners and family to help with feeds, gives mums a chance to rest, and takes the pressure off if breastfeeding isn’t working out. The downsides? It can be expensive, there’s bottle prep and sterilising, and you don’t get that same immune-boosting magic that breastmilk provides.

See? Both have pros and cons. Neither makes you a better (or worse) mum.

The Best of Both Worlds

Sometimes the feeding journey doesn’t look like one straight road — it looks more like a winding track with a few pit stops. And that’s okay.

Many mums find a rhythm in combination feeding — a mix of breast and bottle. Maybe you breastfeed during the day but give a bottle at night so you can actually sleep. Maybe you start breastfeeding, then switch to a bottle if supply is low, or if you’re dealing with pain or infection. Or maybe you use formula for top-ups here and there.

This isn’t a failure. It’s a strategy. It means your baby still gets the benefits of breastmilk and the flexibility of formula, while you get the breathing room you need. That, my friend, is a win-win.

What Babies Really Need

Newsflash: your baby doesn’t care about the “method.” They care about being warm, safe, cuddled, and fed — however that happens. Whether it’s from the boob, the bottle, or a mix of both, what matters is that their little tummies are full and they feel loved.

Your baby won’t look back one day and say, “Gee, Mum, I really wish you’d stressed yourself into the ground to exclusively breastfeed me.” What they’ll remember is the snuggles, the giggles, and that you showed up for them, day after day.

The Mum Pressure Cooker

Mums are under enough pressure already — from bouncing back, to keeping the house clean, to making it look like we’re thriving on Instagram (lol). Feeding should never be another stick to beat yourself with.

Fed is best, because a fed baby has a mum who isn’t falling apart inside. And your baby needs you — your love, your presence, your calm (well, as calm as possible after three hours of sleep).

Let’s Make a Pact

So here’s the deal: let’s stop asking mums, “Are you breastfeeding?” like it’s the litmus test of good parenting. Instead, let’s ask, “How are you doing?” Because at the end of the day, a happy, cared-for mum is the very best thing for a baby.

You are enough. You are doing enough. And no amount of millilitres will ever measure the size of your love for your little one. 💛

Disclaimer: Every family’s feeding journey is unique. This blog is here for encouragement, not medical advice. If you’re unsure about what’s best for you and your baby, always have a chat with your midwife, Plunket nurse, or GP.